Lady J's Blackmail Bitch
One Last Thing …

Posted by S

Sad to report that I am no longer Lady J’s bitch. As I wrote in my blogs earlier this week I had a feeling the end was near. And after we talked last night my feeling was confirmed. Lots of reasons for that, but they really aren’t for sharing. Certainly not in a public space.  I really don’t want to write a lot right now anyway; I just wanted to say a few things before I’m gone.  

I’m sad and hurting and grieving, today, for the loss of the only sustained kink relationship I’ve ever had and probably the only one that I ever will.  I’m sad for the experiences Lady J and I won’t have, the laughs we won’t share and the intense excitement of play that I’ll miss.  But I know this is what Lady J feels is best for her, and so I support her decision to end the play relationship.  

So, I wanted to logon one last time to thank her for the time that we did share as Domme and sub … and to thank anybody out there who’s been reading this blog.  I don’t expect to post to it again after this, but I appreciate that some number of you have been out there reading this for awhile.  And for as much work as it could be to come up with an idea to blog about every day for most of the last three months, I’m actually going to miss it, too, like so many aspects of this play relationship that I’ve enjoyed for all its ups and downs.

Best,

S

WoW Bitch!

Posted by Lady J’s Bitch

I’m not a gamer. Well, I have gaming systems and games I love to play, but I’m definitely not and have never been a hardcore gamer. I don’t play online games because I know I’ll get my bitch ass handed to me by people who play a lot more than I’ll ever have time to play myself. But I was thinking about role playing games today that I used to love when I was younger — Baldur’s Gate, Neverwinter Nights and even much older games like the original Ultima. And that got me thinking about World of Warcraft. I don’t play. I’ve never really even looked at it or considered it. But being the consummate kinkster, I immediately began asking myself how a fun, social gaming experience like WoW offers might be corrupted by a creative BDSMer.  And it occurred to me that a blackmailing Domme like Lady J — were she a gamer — could totally force her bitch (or a whole stable of bitches) to spend some amount of their free time mining the world of WoW with the expectation that they turn over some daily or weekly sum of in-game treasure to her game character to aid in her enjoyment of the game or face her real-world wrath.  I don’t know enough about in-game mechanics to take this thought much farther, but it just goes to show how quickly a kinkster looks at everyday things and starts finding ways to kinkify them to make them a whole lot more fun. Well, I guess if you’re the bitch being blackmailed it could get to be very, very stressful … especially if your gaming Domme keeps upping your daily or weekly in-game tribute, forcing you to spend more time in the game working for her with no real payoff for you in terms of enjoying the game (since you don’t get to keep any of the spoils of all your hard work).

Scavenger Hunt Pre-Planning

Posted by Lady J’s Bitch

So, I’m a little unsure about whether I should still be blogging at this point. As I mentioned in the post that I wrote yesterday, I caused Lady J an unusual amount of aggravation and triggered in her a reaction I didn’t expect. I absolutely respect it, though, along with her desire to take some time and think through where she wants to go from here. Honestly, my gut tells me — based on the intensity of her reaction yesterday — that she’s likely to decide to end our play relationship. And maybe that’s what’s best for her. I really couldn’t blame her, and I really don’t want to be the cause of that kind of aggravation to her. So, if that’s what she decides then that’s where this story will end.  In the meantime, though, I’m kind of in limbo.  And there’s really nothing for me to do but wait.  Still, she hasn’t told me that I should stop blogging and until she does — just in case she doesn’t decide to end our play partnership — I think I’m better off submitting my blog each day even if she isn’t actively checking and approving posts at the moment.

So, I’ve mentioned before that Lady J talked in the past about making me engage in a humiliation scavenger hunt where I’d have to travel in uniform to another city and spend a day or some portion of a day going around town taking pictures with different objects or collecting different things from public places in order to put me in front of a lot of people, to get a lot of embarrassing pictures and to ensure I’m properly humiliated by the experience. I don’t know if that will ever happen now, but I was talking about it with a couple of girls I know from a city that’s only a couple hours from where I live, and they eagerly told me that they would be thrilled to join in and escort me round town if I can do the scavenger hunt in their city.  We’re talking about two fun, beautiful young women — the kind I could walk around with in my uniform and other guys would start thinking maybe they ought to try out a French maid outfit.  It would still be humiliating with them along, but it would be so much fun.  So, not much more to report on that front right now, but if Lady J does decide to continue on with our play relationship and if she does eventually come up with a scavenger hunt plan, it’s great to know I’ve got friends who will help out to take pictures and make sure I’m not in this alone.

Backfire

Posted by Lady J’s Bitch

Sometimes when you try to do the right thing, you end up doing everything wrong. Anybody else ever experience that?

So this morning I got a text from Lady J with a relatively simple assignment. She ordered me to wear a bra to work for the rest of the week. It would mean I’d have to go out of my way to make sure nobody touched my body — no pats on the back or that sort of thing — but it wouldn’t be too humiliating save for the pictures I all but assumed she’d likely make me take throughout my work days to prove I was doing as I was told.

But it occurred to me that the bra Lady J made me buy for the tanning assignment a couple of months ago kind of triggers a negative response in my wife. I’m not quite sure why. I don’t know if she thinks it’s the next step in a progression toward full-blown cross-dressing or something else she’d struggle to accept. In reality, I have no desire to wear bra or to cross-dress beyond the humiliating costumes/uniforms I wear now specifically for the purpose of being humiliated, and Lady J only likes to make me wear the bra on occasion because it’s an easy way to humiliate me that amuses her.  Still, it occurred to me that my wife might react negatively, and in the spirit of open communication I mentioned to Lady J that it might go a long way toward mitigating that problem if she were to send a note to my wife briefly explaining that there’s no need or alarm.  I thought I was promoting open communication.  I mean, I can tell my wife what it’s really about until I’m blue in the face, but it doesn’t seem to really land with her.  And I thought a note from Lady J might put whatever concerns she has to rest.

I really wasn’t prepared for the response that I triggered in Lady J when I tried to explain my thinking.  It wasn’t receptive, I can tell you that.  And I’m not complaining.  Rather, I’m feeling guilty because I’ve laid these issues on her as I’ve tried to live this life more openly in font of my wife and my wife has struggled at times to accept it.  And today, apparently, I touched a nerve.  It wasn’t about my wife.  She’s likely to read this, and I want that to be clear.  Lady J really likes my wife.  I’m not 100 percent sure I know what it was about.  I’m hoping Lady J may give me some clarification about that before long.  But what was obvious is that foisting these issues on her and making her deal with them has taken a toll.  

The last text I got from her indicated that we need to talk face-to-face.  I’m afraid that may mean Lady J has decided that she wants to bring our relationship as Domme and sub, Blackmailer and blackmailee to an end.  If she does, I can’t blame her.  Perhaps I’ve been more aggravation than entertainment to her.  

I don’t really know what to expect when we talk or when that will take place.  Writing a blog entry with that hanging over my head feels more than a little strange, I can tell you that.  But in the end I hope Lady J will do whatever she feels is best for her peace of mind.  If that means this is the end of the line for me, I’ll accept that, of course. And if it doesn’t, then I seriously need to figure out whatever it is I don’t know about how to communicate with my wife and my Domme to keep the harmony in these relationships because right now it really feels like I pretty much suck at it even when I think I’m doing the right things.

iPad Humiliation

Posted by Lady J’s Bitch

Awhile back I thought it would be fun to play around a bit with Siri on my iPad. I never use the feature, but I’ve seen the commercials, and I’ve seen other people use it, so I started playing around with what I could get Siri to say. And then it donned on me that I could choose what Siri calls me. I’d seen this in a couple of the commercials. So, first I told her to call me “bitch.” And she did! Then it was “dirty little slut.” And I played with all kinds of options, having fun with the fact that I could totally get my iPad to participate in my kink by verbally humiliating me.  But soon the novelty wore off, and I set it aside and forgot all about it.

Fast forward to this weekend. We had guests in from out of town, and my wife and her college-age girlfriend were playing with their new iphones, seeing how Siri would respond to various prompts. No, this isn’t one of those stories where I get accidentally discovered and it’s totally hot. Rather, I was just reminded that I never reset Siri to start calling me by my real name again. So, when everyone was asleep, I called up Siri and asked, “Siri, what’s my name.” And Siri responded: “Your name is S**** (sorry, but I am still trying to maintain some anonymity), but I call you dirty little, humiliation loving, come guzzling bitch slut.”  Totally made me squirm.  Thank GOD I never use Siri when I’m around anybody — like friends, family or coworkers! I’d forgotten all about that.  Needless to say I changed it right then and there. But the little bitch in me is kind of fantasizing about the things Lady J could order me to have Siri call me whenever she wants so that I might always be at risk of being humiliated or at least embarrassed if I ever do forget and use Siri in front of others.

Posted by Lady J’s Bitch
So, I’ve been looking lately at the possibility of renting a luxury van for an upcoming road trip, and I’ve found my way by accident to a number of websites for limo companies. I am not renting a limo for this trip, but clicking through the sites I was intrigued by the thought of a party bus rental and how much fun it could be to spend a night traveling around town with a group of girls having a great time making me their party bus bitch.  I’d spend my time waiting on the girls, getting teased and laughed at and spanked for being a bad bitch.  They might tie me to one of the stripper poles so they could take turns whipping my bitch ass.  And at each stop as we moved from club to club they’d clip a leash to my collar and lead my bitch ass in with them.  It could be so much fun and totally humiliating.  I haven’t had time to think it through much more fully, but it’s definitely exciting even if it’s just the start of an idea.  I just hope if it ever happens that we can request a woman to drive the thing because I’m not sure I could handle being treated like that with some guy watching in the rear view mirror all night!

Posted by Lady J’s Bitch

So, I’ve been looking lately at the possibility of renting a luxury van for an upcoming road trip, and I’ve found my way by accident to a number of websites for limo companies. I am not renting a limo for this trip, but clicking through the sites I was intrigued by the thought of a party bus rental and how much fun it could be to spend a night traveling around town with a group of girls having a great time making me their party bus bitch.  I’d spend my time waiting on the girls, getting teased and laughed at and spanked for being a bad bitch.  They might tie me to one of the stripper poles so they could take turns whipping my bitch ass.  And at each stop as we moved from club to club they’d clip a leash to my collar and lead my bitch ass in with them.  It could be so much fun and totally humiliating.  I haven’t had time to think it through much more fully, but it’s definitely exciting even if it’s just the start of an idea.  I just hope if it ever happens that we can request a woman to drive the thing because I’m not sure I could handle being treated like that with some guy watching in the rear view mirror all night!

Posted by Lady J’s Bitch
Short post tonight because we’re celebrating my wife’s birthday, and we have house guests. It’s going to be a great rest of the weekend because we’ll be seeing a lot of family and friends, but I’m also really looking forward to this week — when we’ll get to meet with the designer who is going to make my custom French maid uniform. The picture above is what I’m really working with now in terms of inspiration for what I’m looking for. In the end the uniform won’t look exactly like this because she’ll be modifying it to make sure it complements my body type, etc. as much as possible given my general lack of femininity. But this is definitely the general look that I feel like I’m settling on. I’d love to hear from anybody who reads the blog, though, if you have any recommendations for alterations we might want to consider to make it even more fun for all the humiliating things Lady J will eventually make me do while wearing it!

Posted by Lady J’s Bitch

Short post tonight because we’re celebrating my wife’s birthday, and we have house guests. It’s going to be a great rest of the weekend because we’ll be seeing a lot of family and friends, but I’m also really looking forward to this week — when we’ll get to meet with the designer who is going to make my custom French maid uniform. The picture above is what I’m really working with now in terms of inspiration for what I’m looking for. In the end the uniform won’t look exactly like this because she’ll be modifying it to make sure it complements my body type, etc. as much as possible given my general lack of femininity. But this is definitely the general look that I feel like I’m settling on. I’d love to hear from anybody who reads the blog, though, if you have any recommendations for alterations we might want to consider to make it even more fun for all the humiliating things Lady J will eventually make me do while wearing it!

Friend, Have Mercy!

Posted by Lady J’s Bitch

Yesterday I wrote a long reply to a comment on the blog about the dynamic between Lady J and I.  And I wanted to share a part of that response here for those who may not read the comments.  I see evidence of failed blackmail play relationships all the time on FetLife, and in the note I wrote yesterday I found myself considering why things seem to work for Lady J and I.  

So, what I think really makes this work is the fact that our relationship is rooted in a very real friendship — we can step out of our roles to discuss real issues in our lives, and we genuinely care for one another.  Yet, she has an amazing … AMAZING … ability to set aside all those warm feelings for me and to take absolute joy in seeing me squirm and suffer.

As much as she cares for me as a friend, she would laugh her ass off if I suddenly found myself scrambling to deal with the discomfort it would cause me to have my world turned upside down by the discovery that I’m a little humiliation slut. In that sense, she has no sympathy for me whatsoever. When she comes up with an idea for an assignment that she finds entertaining, she doesn’t concern herself with whether it’ll excite me or if it might make me uncomfortable. I’m her bitch, and she will make me do what she wants, or she will use her considerable power to make me suffer. And then she’ll still make me do what she wants. If an assignment does turn me on, all the better, but that’s not at all a requirement in her mind. She’s adopted a “no mercy” policy that she sticks to with rare exception (like when I was down with the flu). And so, even though we are great friends, I know that the blackmail and the potential consequences are very, very real because of Lady J’s extraordinary ability to set aside the feelings that our friendship might engender in order to commit 100 percent to her part as blackmailer.

I’m a lucky, lucky blackmail bitch!

Spanks for Dropping By!

Posted by Lady J’s Bitch

This afternoon I had a fantasy — it wasn’t terribly involved, but it was totally hot.  I was sitting in my office an a high-up floor in one of my hometown’s tallest buildings, looking out over the city below, and I started to fantasize about what it would be like if Lady J periodically made me report my schedule for the day to her so that she might show up during my “free time” and demand I come downstairs to meet her. I imagined that when I met her in the lobby of my building she’d tell me that she was in the mood to beat my bitch ass.  She’d make me go with her to some secluded place — maybe one of the nearby parking garages — where she’d take me between two cars, make me take down my pants to reveal my panties and pantyhose.  She’d laugh and tease me, and she might even take pictures on her phone to show her friends what a little slut I am.  And then she’d make me bend over and she’d give me a long, hard spanking.  I imagined she might do this fairly regularly, though never with a lot of notice so I wouldn’t be able to anticipate it.  Sometimes it might be a bare-handed spanking.  Other times she might bring a paddle or even a riding crop.  She’d beat me until I begged her to stop, and then she’d beat me some more.  She’d want to make me cry before sending me back to my office.  She might even bitch slap me a few times — hard — so I’d have to try to hide the bright red mark on my cheek.  And when she felt satisfied she’d tell me simply to pull up my pants, and she’d walk me back to my building.  I love the idea of the fantasy because it’s about being at Lady J’s beck and call and about her abusing me for her amusement.  I doubt it’ll ever happen; Lady J is a busy, busy woman.  But I did enjoy the fantasy, and I can’t wait until we do get to play again — soon, I hope! :D

Posted by Lady J’s Bitch

So a month or so ago I posted a message on FetLife just asking for thoughts about what people might be interested in seeing me post on this blog as part of my 365-day challenge from Lady J. I didn’t get a lot of topic ideas, but it did spark some interesting discussion of how this blog works and just how screwed I really am if Lady J ever decides she needs (or wants) to out me.  And tonight I was interested to find this post by an inspired blackmail aficionado who is exploring the idea of incorporating a blog like this into future blackmail play because of how well Lady J has put this one to use. I don’t think people will be able to read the post if they don’t have accounts on FetLife, but I thought it was worth sharing the news that Lady J is inspiring others anyway. :)

Tag Team? Yes, Please.

Posted by Lady J’s Bitch

Tonight I got an e-mail from Lady J explaining that a friend of hers who occasionally Doms professionally may be interested in joining in on a Lady J play session at some point to watch and laugh at my humiliation and, perhaps, even to co-top me alongside Lady J. In a show of kindness that I hardly deserve, Lady J raised the issue to get a sense of my comfort level with the idea.  Of course, I trust Lady J completely. So, on that front I am totally open to the thought.  There still would be some necessary negotiation ahead of time, but the idea certainly unleashed a whole host of fantasies.

I imagined Lady J and this Mystery Domme taking turns beating me, possibly competing to see who might make me beg first for mercy. I fantasized about the two of them tying/locking me up and taking pictures or video of me, laughing as they talk about where they might post them online.  I fantasized about them wearing matching costumes/uniforms for an intense interrogation/torture scene.  I imagined Lady J forcing her strap-on into my little slut mouth and this Mystery Domme forcing my head farther and farther forward until I’m gagging on the cock or whipping my bitch ass with a riding crop while I bob up and down on Lady J’s strap-on like a the little whore that I am.  And, of course, I found myself fantasizing about the possibility of being tied down, sucking the Mystery Domme’s strap-on while Lady J pegs my ass with her’s.  She and I have yet to do that ourselves, but the fantasy of being double teamed like that was VERY hot.  I imagine they might even both don fun Mardis-gras-style masks so that they could videotape the entire thing and hold it over my head forever.  

So, I guess that’s the long way of saying, yes, please, Lady J. I would LOVE to be tag-teamed by you and your friend.  I know there are still some questions to resolve, but I think it could be very exciting. Here’s hoping! 

Lady J here.  This picture was submitted to me via another humiliation slut.  Since I thought it was an inspirational picture of ways to torture my bitch, I accepted it. 
Plus, who knows?  My one of my readers will recognize him, and he’ll get the exposure he sorely deserves. 

Lady J here.  This picture was submitted to me via another humiliation slut.  Since I thought it was an inspirational picture of ways to torture my bitch, I accepted it. 

Plus, who knows?  My one of my readers will recognize him, and he’ll get the exposure he sorely deserves. 

Posted by Lady J’s Bitch
The other night I posted about the position in which Michelle Williams was bound in Oz The Great and Powerful. This isn’t exactly that position, but it’s close. The point is that the hands are tied out and away from the body. She’s kneeling. I can totally imagine being tied/chained in a similar way between two posts and at the Mercy of Lady J. I’m not sure the nipple clamps are necessary, and I’d prefer my maid or schoolgirl uniform to anything like this, but the position is really what I wanted to demonstrate. No telling if it’ll ever happen, but I can just imagine/fantasize about the torture I’d experience. Spankings/whippings, bitch slaps, kicking, humiliation galore, and possibly a long session sucking Lady J’s strap-on. Oh yes … this position could be a lot of fun.

Posted by Lady J’s Bitch

The other night I posted about the position in which Michelle Williams was bound in Oz The Great and Powerful. This isn’t exactly that position, but it’s close. The point is that the hands are tied out and away from the body. She’s kneeling. I can totally imagine being tied/chained in a similar way between two posts and at the Mercy of Lady J. I’m not sure the nipple clamps are necessary, and I’d prefer my maid or schoolgirl uniform to anything like this, but the position is really what I wanted to demonstrate. No telling if it’ll ever happen, but I can just imagine/fantasize about the torture I’d experience. Spankings/whippings, bitch slaps, kicking, humiliation galore, and possibly a long session sucking Lady J’s strap-on. Oh yes … this position could be a lot of fun.

Coming to Terms with Myself

Posted by Lady J’s Bitch

So, the thoughts behind this blog may be a bit incomplete today as I’m still working through them, but I wanted to share an important milestone in my journey as a humiliation-loving kinkster. See, for years I’ve struggled with my interest in/need for kink. On the one hand, when I gave in to it, it’s been extremely exciting. But on the other, I’ve had to hide this side of who I am from 99 percent of the people in my life, and I’ve felt ashamed and broken for the fact that it’s even a part of who I am.

I wrote some time ago about the fact that I am completely without a plan for what happens if somebody in my family or friends were to find out about all of this and confront me with the knowledge. I’d tried many times to think through how I’d react, and I’ve never been able to get there in my mind.  

Recent events, though, have really helped me to finally come to terms with the fact that this is who I am, this is who God made me, we’re all broken in our own ways, and we all — even me — are deserving of love.  I honestly felt for a long, long time that I didn’t deserve to be loved so long as this was a part of who I am.  And I certainly couldn’t find it within me to love myself.

But something’s changed lately.  I’m not entirely sure what it is.  Maybe it’s the degree to which my wife understands and accepts all of this.  But I think it has something to do with the number of girls who have some sense of the fact that I’m totally into it and the fact that they, too, accept and encourage me.  I have such support.  And I think all of that acceptance finally clicked in a way that is enabling me to embrace all of who I am.

I told my wife the other night that I never, ever want our friends, family or coworkers to find out about any of this. But, for the first time in my life, I’m confident enough that I deserve love to say that if it ever does occur … if by some accident or because Lady J decides to really out me … I will be very, very uncomfortable, and some people may not accept what I have to say, but I believe for the first time that I could approach those conversations head-on in.  People still might not get it, and they’ll almost certainly judge me, but I know I’ll at least be able to look them in the eyes when I explain that I’m a little humiliation-loving bitch.  And that, for me, is a HUGE step in the right direction toward a happier, healthier life in kink and beyond.  I’m tired of being ashamed of and even hating who I am.  And for the first time ever, as humiliated as I’ll still be if it ever happens, I don’t have to attach all the negativity I always have to what I’ll experience.

Posted by Lady J’s Bitch
So, I mentioned recently that I am in Lady J’s dog house for a late blog post, and she has decided that a literal demonstration of that fact is in order. And here’s the picture to prove it. I know I deserve to be punished, and I’m glad to know this pleased Lady J.
(Note: This post is an update to the previous one in which my face was not blurred to hide my identity. After my week of punishment was up, Lady J kindly offered to make the other one private for the time being so long as I submitted a blurred version to replace it.)

Posted by Lady J’s Bitch

So, I mentioned recently that I am in Lady J’s dog house for a late blog post, and she has decided that a literal demonstration of that fact is in order. And here’s the picture to prove it. I know I deserve to be punished, and I’m glad to know this pleased Lady J.

(Note: This post is an update to the previous one in which my face was not blurred to hide my identity. After my week of punishment was up, Lady J kindly offered to make the other one private for the time being so long as I submitted a blurred version to replace it.)